So, in order to make light of a mild shopping addiction (haha, jk jk….no really, it’s fine, I’m fine, I’M DOING OKAY) my content-rich post this week is an unboxing! Boy oh boy. Now you too have the chance to live vicariously through someone who spends too much money on clothes!
My obsession lately has been interesting mini-skirts. I’m very lucky to have a job that’s stable enough and open-minded enough that I can wear pretty much whatever I want to work every day. I also have the immense privilege of being white, middle-class, and cis-passing, so as I’ve mentioned in one of my other posts, this generally allows me to move about the world, presentation-wise, with some degree of freedom. e.g. I can usually wear miniskirts to work and it’s not an issue. I know I’m repeating myself in regards to privilege but I think it’s important to talk about constantly and I think it’s important to have it at the fronts of our minds, as people who are interested in fashion and presentation; especially those of us who have the platform of a blog to talk about those things.
So, skirts. I think my look at the moment for spring and for life is going to be tops tucked into interesting skirts with tights and boots. Tops can be anything from a tee to a busily-patterned button down. Skirts, the more weird and patterned, the better. I think my ultimate fashion goal right now is to just be bursting. But restrained. A restrained burst? I don’t know. Anyway.
I got my shipment from ASOS today. Oh frabjous day.
The first garment is this: The ASOS Curve T-shirt Dress with Kimono Sleeves. On sale for $25.50. Made of jersey, a viscose/elastane mix. I got a size 20 because I usually overshoot my size when ordering clothes online (a lifetime of fat baggage and dysphoria, amirite ladies?!) and I finally worked up the guts to order what I think might a good size for me in certain ASOS-brand garments (for those of you playing at home- I got a pretty big hip, around 56-58 inches, but ASOS is well-known to cut their clothes 1-2 sizes up).
Here’s a screenshot of the dress on the model:
And here it is on my real-live body!
Okay, so, either I’m the shortest person in the world (I’m 5’3. So, like, not in the world or whatever) or this thing is longer than they depict it on the site. My feelings are that it looks like a muumuu. This hunch has been verbally confirmed by my work friend. (I do fashion shows in our shared small bathroom, what of it?) My dream edits are that it either needs to be 3-4 inches shorter, or it needs to go to the floor. I’m so disappointed! As a big fan of the t-shirt dress, this really falls flat for me. I feel like even if I ordered a size down, the proportions would just be all off.
Okay, so next item!
The ASOS Curve Velvet Skirt with Asymmetric Wrap & Buttons. What a mouthful. Also, on deep discount from $55 to $16.50. So, I had really high hopes for this one. Crushed velvet in an oxblood color, brass buttons, slight slit up the leg, yes. Perfect for crop top times if you wanna get a lil’ slutty with it, or also doable with a tucked in button-down for a more conservative look, but you still got that slit. I ordered a size 22 since it looks like it’s cut close to the body.
Right? Like, so sexy. I wanted to jump on that train for $16.50. So, heeeere’s what happened….
Actually, now that I’m looking at photos, it’s really not that bad. The disappointing part is that the very last snap at the bottom is much weaker of a snap than the others. Guess what’s gonna happen the minute I sit down or squat or dare I say it spreadmylegs? Yeah, it’s gonna come open and all of a sudden that tasteful slit is gonna be rated NC-17. This is too bad because I really, really wanted to like this one….and I do! It’s not totally as vibrant as what the picture on the site looks like, but totally wearable and even a little sexy. But that snap is going to drive me crazy, I know it.
So, onward. Next up is the ASOS Curve Cord A-Line Button Skirt with Curved Wrap. Discounted from $43 to $26. Nice heavyweight skirt, perfect for colder weather, kind of nerdy and has some 60s throwback flair. I feel like I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but this one wasn’t super great either. I am normally such a HUGE fan of ASOS and honestly, most of my clothes are from there (see, they’ve already been featured in my OOTDs!) I don’t want this to become some ASOS rag post, because I usually can’t stop singing their praises. They’re a globally accessible brand that offers an AMAZING size range (from straight sizes all the way up to a 30, I believe), and has a designer sensibility and fashion-forwardness for a reasonable price tag (usually. For the times when they don’t, sales are frequent). But yeah, as you’re witnessing, this was just a dud order.
Right, so, the skirt. Here’s the picture on the site:
And here it is on my real live body:
My apologies for the quality of the photos, my phone camera is ALAS not located inside an iPhone and therefore the quality is wonk. I tried to lighten them up as much as possible so you could see the detail and it doesn’t look like a dark orb has sheathed my body.
But yeah, kind of lackluster, no? I am not a huge fan of the way the placket cuts across. What I will say is that the skirt is nice and HEARTY, and if NYC wasn’t a tropical island right now, this skirt would probably be super useful for winter. However, the fit is just off somehow… it looks like a big box. I ordered this in a 20 because it seemed oversize on the model, and I feel like I should have even sized down some more. I don’t know. I’m not bowled over by the proportions and I don’t think getting it in a different size would fix that.
Anyhow, here’s a little thing I threw into the mix because I was feeling saucy: the ASOS Small Bow Tie. It was $10.50, and I figured I would wear it to death.
And here it is, nestled around my neck:
FRIENDS, IT HAS HAPPENED. Something has made this shipment worthwhile, HALLELUJAH. I literally couldn’t stop taking pictures of myself. It was bad in that shared office bathroom.
Also, does my outfit look a lil’ circus ringmaster? I guess I’ll just roll with that.
But isn’t this tie great?! Nice shape and weight, and it’s already been perma-tied for you (you can fasten it with a clip in the back of the neck). The one thing I do wish is that it were more fat-neck-friendly. My neck is pretty much at the end of the road, size-wise, for this accessory. But otherwise, I am very happy with this particular purchase.
Alright, so that’s the end of this particular unboxing! Who knows, since I’ll be sending 3/4s of this package back, perhaps another unboxing awaits soon enough.
Brb, I’m off to go be dandy-fresh in my new flouncy bowtie.